A Hanyou's Heart: Chapter 3

"Kagome!"

Go away.

"Kagome!"

Five more minutes, please...

"Young lady, if you're not up by the time I climb these stairs I'll -”

"Alright, alright! I'm UP!"

Kagome forced herself to sit up, reluctant as she was to leave the warm comfort of her fluffy pink duvet cover, and pushed her sleep-induced unruly, black hair out of her eyes.  She swung her legs over the side of her bed, growling in annoyance as she turned to glare at her not so trusty alarm clock.

‘Darn thing.  That's the third time it's failed to go off in the past week.  No wonder I'm always so late for school these days.’

Quick as she could, the ebony haired teenager jumped off of her mattress, racing over to her closet and pulling out a set of her plain looking high school uniform and underwear.  Fighting the urge to run back to her soft, comfortable, welcoming bed Kagome yanked her bedroom door open, sprinting along the upstairs landing and into the bathroom, narrowly missing her younger brother, Souta, ignoring his whines of discontent.  There was no time for petty, little brother-sister arguments this summer morning.

Her shower was quick and no more than ten minutes later did Kagome find herself hopping on one foot, trying to squeeze her shoe on while awkwardly running down the high (and very long) front steps that led to the entrance of her family's shrine.  She was so late she'd decided to neglect breakfast, Souta having already left for his own classes with a full stomach about twenty minutes before.  To top it off, she had about three assignments due that day, and because of her oh-so-reliable alarm she hadn't been up in time to edit them if necessary.  Ms.Tagewaki wouldn't be pleased about that.  Not for the last time that day, Kagome growled, letting out some of her pent up frustration.

Had school life always been this maddening?  She didn't think so.


.:.:.:.


Come lunch, Kagome had calmed down somewhat.  She sat alone on the school grounds, taking shade from the hot sun under the shadow of an old tree.  She had in her hand a copy of “The Journey to the West,” the book they were studying in her literature class and one she'd always had a strong preference for.  It calmed her, skimming through the pages, effectively distracting her from what had been a less than enjoyable morning.

As suspected, her Physics teacher had been less than pleased to discover that her coursework had not been sufficiently revised or edited, as it was supposed to be her final draft.  Kagome had apologized, explaining her morning predicament and that she'd been too busy finishing off other pieces of work and chores the previous night to do it then.  She finally succeeded in getting her teacher to bend a little; making a compromise that she would stay for extra time after school hours to review her essay.  Ms. Tagewaki seemed content enough with this, but now Kagome's free time would be cut short once more, and she had yet another stack load of work to finish at home.  She was genuinely trying her best to stay on top of her school work, but something always seemed to come up or interfere, such as her duties of minding the shrine for a few hours with Grandpa as a miko and the pile of papers on her desk that only seemed to grow rather than shrink.

This was Japanese high school life for you.  One tough experience, that was for certain.  Still, she had her art and history class to look forward to, since they usually passed with a breeze and helped her relax and wind down a little.  She loved to draw, and boy did she love her current history topic, the Sengoku Jidai, or feudal era.  She'd discovered she was surprisingly good at this topic, and Mr. Izumo, her favorite sensei, often praised and complimented her work.  One task they were given was to write a diary entry for a young warring states villager.  Kagome had thoroughly enjoyed the task, and it showed, as Mr. Izumo said, in the way she described the scenes in her entry so accurately, so vividly.

"It's as if you were there yourself, Miss Higurashi! Excellent work."

Yeah, so she'd be at least able to count on history in her uncertain school semester...

‘It's better not to dwell on that’, Kagome concluded, returning to focus back on her novel.

"Kagome, there you are!" Eri suddenly yelled from a short distance off, snapping Kagome's attention from her book once more.  "Come on, we're off to WacDonald's for a bite.  You could probably use one after that lecture the new math teacher gave you on... what was it, pythag-something theorem?"

.:.:.:.


It was the end of the school day, but rather than heading home, Kagome went back to her Physics class to finish the essay for her coursework.  Inside the room there sat another student, a senior like herself.

"Oh, Kagome. I didn't expect to see you here of all people.  Guess great minds care about their final grades, huh?" Houjo Akitoki chuckled as she took a seat next to him, retrieving her work from her bag.  Ms. Tagewaki glanced up from her desk briefly, glaring for a moment due to her disrupted silence but choosing to let it go in favor of turning back to eating her freshly made onigiri.

"Uhm... yeah, something like that." Kagome finally replied.

Houjo was practically beaming.

"Definitely. Hey, say, uh, after we're both finished up here, did you wanna catch a movie or something?  Or we could just go the park and-”

"As... as in a date?"

He blushed and his eyes gazed down at the floor. "I-I guess, if you want to call it that.  So... will you?"

Kagome turned her gaze away from him, looking back down at her papers.

"Houjo, you know that I... that I don't date."

He'd been expecting this, apparently, but there was still some hurt in his light, sky eyes.  It made Kagome feel horrible.  She didn't mean to hurt his feelings, she just honestly wasn't interested in a relationship at the moment.  There was too much else that she had to focus on.  She had a lot to study.  Especially if she planned on making it through the remainder of the school year.

'Dating though... being that close to someone...'

School work.  Well, maybe that wasn't the only reason Kagome chose not to date.  There was another reason, something different entirely, only... she wasn't sure what that reason was. It was just that whenever someone mentioned being in a couple or going out with the object of their fancy Kagome couldn't help but shy away from it.  She'd had one or two guys aside from Houjo who appeared to like her, and they too had asked if she would go on a date with them, but Kagome could only politely decline.  It wasn't that she didn't want to, it would be nice to talk with someone and enjoy herself, even if she had no clue about what to say or to wear.  She'd had her fair share of innocent crushes and adolescent fantasies to know she might like to date a little here and there someday. Talks of 'love' and 'intimacy' were all over her high school.  However, just the thought of being close to a guy in that way felt as if she were betraying someone.  Someone important.   She knew it was silly because she had no one and no reason to feel this way.

And it was that reason only that kept her from accepting Houjo's invitation.

"Houjo, please don't take it personally.  You're a really nice guy, and I really do like you, it's just... I don't think I'm... ready for that sort of stuff, not just yet anyway, you know?  You're a great friend and I don't want to lose that either."  There.  That sounded sincere enough.

Renewed hope shown in Houjo’s sparkling eyes.

"Well, if you're not ready just yet, then I'll wait, Kagome.  I can do that.  I only want you to feel secure and I don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything just to spare my feelings," he said with a soft smile.

Kagome smiled back.  She couldn't help herself.  He was being very kind and understanding about her decision not to date, and part of her wished she could say yes to him, like how Eri, Yuka and Ayumi were always telling her to.  She was mature enough now, eighteen years of age, and fast approaching adulthood.  She could handle it. And Houjo would never hurt her.

Her chest suddenly throbbed painfully.  A face appeared in her mind, one that was shrouded in white and amber, and a few wisps of red.  It startled her for a moment, but then the surprise melted away into a different feeling she couldn't quite place.  The face was that of a young man, she could tell that much.  Kagome found herself longing to reach out to that face, smear the blurs away, find out just who she was seeing in her mind's eye.

She mumbled quietly to herself, “Don't.... please don't be upset.  You're not meant to cry, you should be happy.  I want you to laugh and to smile, Inu-“  

"Miss Higurashi!"

Kagome was abruptly snapped from her obscured vision by Ms. Tagewaki waving a hand in front of her face.  Houjo stood next to her, reaching out to feel her forehead as if checking for a temperature.  His eyes were full of worry.  

"Kagome, are you alright?  You sort of spaced out there for a while," Houjo said, his voice full of concern.

Huh?

"O-Oh, I uh, I think I just need some fresh air!  Maybe I was going at my essay a little too hard. Ha-ha I guess that's just like me!  C-Could I step outside for a few moments, sensei?" Kagome asked her teacher, who's eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion, though she soon caved.

"Yes, I suppose that would be best.  Take a breather, Miss Higurashi, but be no longer than five minutes please.  If you still feel lightheaded after that, you can go to the nurse's office."

Kagome didn't like the insinuation behind her words since what she said wasn't completely a lie.  She did feel a bit lightheaded and quite flustered.  She thanked her teacher, smiled reassuringly at Houjo and made her way out of the class.

Once outside, Kagome sagged back against the wall, trying to collect her thoughts.

That face... the one that had been blurred slightly, and mixed in with colors of white and red and gold...  Who had that face belonged to?  She didn't recognize him, did she?  But then, why did he look so familiar?  

And why, (oh why) was her heart pounding so fast at his appearance in her head?  Why did she feel the need to reach out and comfort that person, to drive their apparent melancholy away?

And finally, and perhaps most perturbing of all, who, or what, did "Inu" mean?  Dog?  Certainly, but it had not been spoken in that context, rather it had been said almost like a name.  The beginning of one, more specifically.

Argh!  Maybe she was looking a little too deeply into things.  Kagome could feel a slight headache coming on, and decided to forget her train of thought for the time being.  The boy's blurred face of white and red and gold, the Inu-someone comment, they were probably all part of some deranged fantasy she'd created in her mind to kill the time while she worked on her coursework.  It probably meant nothing at all, had most likely come as a result of the book she had been reading before hand during lunch.

Kagome stood straight and headed back into her class once more, sitting down and starting on her essay again.  Her sensei raised an eyebrow, but seemed satisfied with the fact that she wouldn't need to take the time to call for an escort to take her pupil to the nurse's office.

Kagome's hand and pen were racing across the page now.  She was trying her very best to forget what she had 'seen'. It probably didn't matter anyway but she couldn't get that boy's somehow familiar face out of her mind.

.:.:.:.


Kagome stood in the shrine grounds dressed in the attire of a miko, a weathered broom in her hand.  Absentmindedly she swept the concrete floor her focus somewhere different entirely.

"Oh, Kagome, dear!  You're a little late getting home tonight," came Mrs. Higurashi's voice calling from the kitchen window.

Snapping out of her day dreaming, Kagome turned in mother's direction.

"Uh yeah, I had to stay behind and finish my essay that was due today!  Sorry if I worried you!" Kagome called back.

Her mother, seemingly reassured, smiled at her daughter and nodded, turning back to finish dinner.  When she'd looked away, Kagome turned back to her musings.

She just hadn't been able to stop thinking about that young man's face.  The image, though it had been mostly obscured, was becoming more clouded.  She couldn't keep a proper hold on the image.

Who was he?

"Hey, 'Gome!"

Kagome whirled around, and her expression became amused when she saw who had called her name this time.

"Oh, Saya!  Hey there.  You come for another tour?"

Saya, her old neighbour and good friend, laughed.  "Well, not that I wouldn't love another look around, but really I just came to introduce you to someone special."

Kagome noticed that Saya had her fingers entwined with those of a tall, brown-haired but startlingly blue-eyed boy. Saya was about a foot (or maybe two, Saya was a bit on the short side) shorter than him, but her face was practically glowing.

"Kagome, I'd like you to meet Kentaro, my... boyfriend."

The young shrine maiden's eyes widened in surprise before her face broke out into a smile followed by a sly grin. "You don't say?"

Saya blushed and so did Kentaro.  The small girl elbowed his ribs, subtly hinting she wanted him to speak introductions.

"Err, yeah, h-hey there, Higurashi.  Nice to finally meet ya.  Saya's said a lot of great things about you." Kentaro spoke, taking a step forward and holding out his hand for Kagome to shake, giving her a shy smile.

Kagome reached out and shook it, smiling kindly back in return. "Yeah, it's great to meet you, too, Kentaro.”  

.:.:.:.


Kagome watched nonchalantly as the couple interacted with each other, holding or squeezing each other’s hands or getting a literally lost in each other’s gazes.  Saya was smitten.

And, as happy as Kagome was for her friend, she couldn't help but feel a little sad.

She knew she was acting hypocritical, having turned down Houjo's offer before and a couple other's too, but she couldn't help it.  It wasn't that she longed to be in a relationship, but she felt as though she should be.  As if there was someone she was supposed to be doing those kind of love-sick things that people in love did together, like Saya and Kentaro.  It felt as if there was someone missing from her life.

No sooner had she finished the thought than the fading memory of the blurred boy's face came back into her mind. She sighed tiredly.

Her grandfather chose that moment to enter the shrine grounds eagerly offering (a little too eagerly) Kentaro a tour of the place.  Kagome didn't suppose he had a choice.  She was correct.  Kentaro followed after her Grandpa, sending a slightly worried look back over his shoulder at Kagome.  She smiled as reassuringly as she could at him. "He might try and sell you a charm or two," she mouthed.

Saya came over and sat down on a bench near Goshinboku, patting the spot beside her.  Kagome accepted the invitation, parking herself down on the wooden asset.

"So, Kagome," Saya began, "How's things?  You know, like school and stuff?  I hear you might be taking on the position of a full time miko here at your shrine.  Following in your Gramp’s footsteps huh?"

Kagome didn't answer for a few moments.  Instead she turned away and sighed. "Maybe..."

Saya took the hint.  "Ah. Doesn't look like you're too keen on that idea after all, are you?"

Kagome shook her head.  "No, it's not that, it's just..."

"Just?"

"Well... Saya, have you ever felt that you were... I dunno, lying to yourself?"

The girl raised an eyebrow.  "Lying to myself?  Why would I do that?"

"Well, not exactly lying per say, more... living a life... that you weren't meant to live?"

"...Oh.  Well, no then, I guess I haven't."

Kagome smiled sadly.  "Yeah, I thought as much.  I mean, I'm probably being stupid, but, lately... I'm not sure what it is, it just feels like I've missed out on something, that something should have happened and it hasn't.  Like I shouldn't be here."

Saya nodded.  "Like a missed opportunity?"

"Something like that, I guess."

The two sat in silence for a little while, and Saya was just about to break it when Kagome beat her to it.

"F-Forget what I said!  It's probably just me.  I'm reaching what should be the finer point of my life now and it's probably just old nostalgia or something like that."

"You sure?"

"Definitely.  So, before I have to go in and finish my homework, let’s talk about you and Kentaro."

That was all Saya needed.  The next five minutes or so passed in a blur as Saya recited to her all the little romantic things Kentaro did for her, such as walk her to school, carry her books, the dates they went on...

Kagome listened, but wasn't really there half the time.  She nodded and smiled in all the right places, but her mind was side-tracked once again.

What she had told Saya had been true.  She felt as if something was missing, or had been missed, that should have been there.  Something that should have happened hadn't, someone that should have been there wasn't.

"- and he calls it, and I quote, 'The Destroyer'!  I couldn't stop laughing at that, but he's dead weird about it.  I dunno, boys and their manly status, they think they have standards to live up to-"

Kagome was brought back from her reverie, laughing along with Saya, though she didn't know exactly what 'the Destroyer' was a referral to.  Judging from the look on Saya's face, it was better not knowing.  'Pet names' came to mind though.

Kentaro was walking back over to them, a bemused look on his face, and several new key chains hanging from his pocket.

'Ah well, back to the essays for now', Kagome thought.